The Story of My Life
Lately, I have the privilege of time. For those who didn’t know, I ended my eight
years of employment recently and found myself in possession of priceless
time. Now that I’m free from all the
work loads I had previously, I find myself, slowing down in a fast paced
world. Initially, I didn’t know what to
do. After being in a consistent routine,
out of the blue, I have the chance to do whatever I want without the fear of
jeopardizing my responsibilities. It’s
like a clean-slate and I have the power to choose what to add on my plate. I got into a lot of thinking and evaluating
the past, the present and the future.
How did I get here? What’s next? Is
this true? Did I really make “the choice”
of letting go? You see, I have issues
with letting go; the impact is almost every after I make the decision to
release “it”. But I realize that God
will always turn things around in accordance to His will.
My Past
It all started when I was 12, my mom died and it took me
time to realize what happened. At that
age, I didn’t understand the back and forth trips we had to the hospital. I thought it was just normal and didn’t see
my mom’s death coming. It was at that time
that God taught me about “the end”. The
Lord showed me that everything is temporary and it has its ending, that time is
valuable and I’d be a fool to neglect it, that life is fleeting and it should
be cherished. At that moment, my
innocence was broken and reality sets in.
My perception of life, of what is perfect, of happiness, of almost
everything I know, was shattered. I was
introduced to sufferings, to pain, to hurting, and I was broken. I
wanted life to end.
But you know God, He had better plans and He was not about
to quit on me. That experience brought
me into a decision, a decision that ultimately changed me. The Lord introduced Himself in my life and He
was not about to let me ignore Him. Oh,
I tell you, I tried my best but He made it hard for me to do so. It’s as if I was hooked instantly. After the funeral, it was when I realized
that I wasted the time I had left with my mom.
I became depressed because I never had the chance to tell her how much I
loved her. But it was at that moment,
when I made the choice to do what my mom wanted me to do and that was to serve
the Lord. I told myself that I will show
how much I love my mom by loving and serving God. I said this to myself silently, hoping that
no one could hear me. I was not thinking
so much about that silent proclamation, I was only twelve, and I didn’t know
that I was making the biggest decision of my life at that night. And little did I know that God was listening
and it was all He wanted to hear.
My journey with God started almost immediately after that
silent utter of surrender. He didn’t
waste any time, He initiated communication with me and every day, I found
myself, wanting to know Him more and more.
At first, I was intrigued with all the stories in the Bible of God’s
chosen people, the love stories, the wonders and amazing miracles He performed
for the love of His life. Then I started
desiring to be one of the chosen people.
I wanted to do more than just reading about His people, I wanted to be
His daughter and to do His will. The
funny thing about the Lord is that, He doesn’t take your words lightly. When you tell Him something, He takes it
seriously and He doesn’t forget.
He turned my depression into passion to live for Him rather
than die for myself. My life made a 180
degrees turn and He was responsible for every turn I made then. Looking back, I know that my mom’s death was
not in vain, it gave birth to my first love and my life long experience with
Him.
